Easter season

What does Easter mean to me? That was the question asked at today's praise practice and it really had me thinking.

Easter. The day that Jesus Christ resurrected from the dead. To show his power above the grace, that he conquered sin. What does that mean to me? I wondered. Christ died for the sins of me, that's pretty awesome. But how is that relevant to me when i'm so lacking in faith, doubting so much.

Good Friday service. Omg that killed me. I washed Jon bae's feet and was just thinking to myself. I would gladly wash Jon's feet because hes a bro and i just love this guy. Yet would i do it for others? Would i gladly lower myself and wash some stranger? Jesus gladly washed the dirtiest part of our bodies but would i? No. I dont think that i would. My pride, my self-esteem, everything would get in the way of doing that. And that displeases God. Yet i asked God to give me a heart that would gladly lower myself before others. Become a servant at heart. God washed my feet. It's my time to return the favor. Several of the other stations had a lasting effect upon me. I steal from God, and deny him so many times. So many times i have failed and he had to pay for it with the cross. the cross that only simon helped him carry. i know that if i was there i would not have helped him carry that cross sadly. I'm sorry Lord for the sinner that i am yet i want to thank you for being that God that you are. A God thats willing to sacrifice his son for us to give us another chance.

It's time to remember what Christ did for us. No matter where you are in your walk. The fact is that God sent his son Jesus to die for us. That because of this we are able to have another chance for a relationship with God.

I love retreat.

Though i've fallen up and down countless times spiratually. I havent been able to realize or do anything about it because i've been so busy. Junior year is killing me and its making me so busy with homework and studying and actually trying... -.-" Yet finally winter break comes, and its time for retreat. Such a relaxing time, where u dont have to worry about homework, tests, looking good cause all u wanna do is stay warm, and u just think. think think think... think how ignorant you've been acting... think how selfish you were... think about how you're gonna turn this around... think if you're even deserving... but mainly you think about how your going to change with God. Being in silence away from the busy world allows you too see all the blessings around you... see all the people that care and love you... and see that you're not in this spiritual struggle alone.

Usually when i attend retreats i get a spiritual high and tell myself yeah that was awesome im gonna be different this time. but i always getting distracted and forget about that promise. Yet this time, im gonna strive for this, go for it full on. Cause im sick of living an unsatisfying life where you feel like something is missing. Im tired of worrying, i wanna be able to live life knowing that everything is going to be okay. I know i havent been the best boy, but i know that God understands how i feel. and i hope that he will change me to be a person that pleases him. And i cant expect to achieve this by continuing the way i live with my cursing and piercing tongue. "The evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him" but i want to be different and be "The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him." I know it will be hard and imma try my best, so please pray for me and keep me accountable.